The Permission Slip You've Been Waiting For

The short of it: Rest Is not a reward. It's a requirement,

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What do you believe to be true about REST?

I’ve found that somewhere along the way, most of us (myself, included) got a really unhelpful message about rest. That it has to be earned. That it's what you do after everything on the list is done. That if you're resting while things are undone, you're lazy, selfish, indulgent, or letting people down.

And if you're reading this and nodding, I want you to know: believing those messages is costing you. It’s costing you joy. Peace. Patience. It’s even costing you potential.

For high-functioning women — the ones who show up, handle it all, and make sure everyone around them is okay — rest often feels like the one thing they haven't figured out how to do yet. And the irony is that the more they need it, the harder it can feel to let themselves have it.

And our bodies scream for rest. Your nervous system doesn't care about your to-do list. It doesn't know that you'll rest "after this project" or “when vacation gets here” or “when the kids are older." It just knows whether it feels safe enough to downshift or if it needs to stay on high alert. Fact is, if you've been running on stress hormones for months (or, like for many of my clients, YEARS), your body has essentially forgotten what it feels like to actually rest.

But it needs to rest. Desperately.

Here's where to start:

1) Consider the difference between rest and avoidance/numbing. Scrolling your phone for an hour IS NOT rest — it's actually stimulating to the nervous system. True rest involves some form of disengagement from input: a short walk without headphones, sitting outside, gentle stretching, or even just lying down in a quiet room for 10 minutes. It doesn't have to be long. It just has to be real.

2) Schedule rest before you "need" it. Most of us wait until we're running on empty to rest — which means we're already in debt. Instead, try building one 10-15 minute "nothing" window into your day. Put it in your calendar. Protect it like you'd protect any other appointment.

3) Notice and challenge the story you tell yourself about resting. When you sit down to rest and that internal voice pipes up with a "You should be doing something productive right now,” pause and ask: “Says who?”

You’re an adult — YOU get to decide what productivity means for you.

What if the most productive thing you can do right now is learn how to rest?

You're Not Falling Apart — You're Probably in Perimenopause

Been a little more emotional lately? Found your tolerance for your child’s whiny snack demands has dwindled to zero? Feeling like your partner lacks any redeeming qualities these days? Maybe you’re regularly waking up at 3am with your mind going a million miles an hour and your body radiating heat like a Florida summer?

Sound familiar? And maybe, as a result, you’ve started to wonder if something is seriously wrong with you — because the woman you used to be? She felt way more… steady, happy, and hopeful.

Well, here’s some truth: There probably isn’t anything really “wrong” with you. You are likely just in perimenopause, and your brain and body are going through one of the most significant hormonal shifts of your life.

This is awful, but good news. See, the problem isn't you. The problem is that nobody told you (or the people around you) that this was coming — or what it would actually feel like.

A couple of facts:

Perimenopause can begin as early as your mid-30s and last well into your 50s. During this time, when life is already stretching you to the max (with family, financial, work, and logistical factors), estrogen and progesterone levels start fluctuating wildly (and then begin declining). And here's the part most people don't know: these hormones aren’t just reproductive hormones. They’re deeply connected to mood regulation, sleep quality, memory, and your body and brain’s ability to stay calm under pressure.

So when these hormones fluctuate? Everything feels harder. More intense. More raw.

I want to encourage you to pay attention to your “everything.” What is triggering you to be reactive? What puts you on edge? Where (and with who) do you feel unsteady and raw? Because these fluctuating hormones are really useful at pointing out areas of our lives that needed some work even before perimenopause entered the picture (and that makes good fodder for time well spent with your therapist)!

A couple of OTHER things that can actually help:

1) Track your cycle and your mood together. Even if your cycle have become irregular, patterns still exist. Using a simple app or even a paper calendar to note your emotional and physical state each day can help you start to see the rhythm and your triggers. When you can see "Oh, I always feel like I'm losing it around day 21," it stops feeling like a character flaw and starts feeling like data you can do something with.

2) Speak what's happening out loud. When you're in the middle of a wave of emotion or a hot flash or a night of terrible sleep, try saying to yourself — or to someone you trust — "This is a hormone shift. It’s real, it's temporary, and it doesn’t mean I’m broken." This isn't just helpful self-talk … it's your prefrontal cortex (your thinking brain) helping to regulate your amygdala (your reactive brain). Acknowledging and naming your experience actually calms your nervous system.

Until next time,

The Impact of Subtle vs. Sudden: Childhood Emotional Neglect

Imagine growing up in a household where your physical needs were met, but your emotional world was largely overlooked or minimized …

• You cried and were told to “knock it off” or “suck it up” or, worse yet, no one asked you what was wrong.

• You got excited about something and no one noticed, or worse yet, they noticed but never joined in or were curious about your joy.

If this was your world, you likely experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and you’re not alone. In fact, the majority of high functioning, but unhappy people I’ve met through my work as a counselor and life consultant have experienced some level of CEN.

When emotional needs aren't consistently recognized or validated during childhood, the impact is expansive. Childhood Emotional Neglect isn’t about dramatic events or traumatic experiences; rather, it's about what didn't happen. The absence of consistent emotional support and validation in childhood can leave deep scars that reverberate into adulthood. Individuals who have experienced CEN may find themselves struggling to notice, understand, AND express their emotions. They might feel disconnected from themselves and others, leading to challenges in forming and maintaining relationships.

Moreover, CEN can take a toll on self-esteem. When our emotions are ignored or dismissed during childhood, we may internalize the message that our feelings don't matter. This can lead to a persistent sense of inadequacy or unworthiness that follows us into adulthood, impacting various facets of our lives.

But here's the silver lining: awareness is the first step toward healing. By acknowledging the impact of CEN on our lives, we can begin to unravel its effects and reclaim our emotional well-being. It's a journey of self-discovery and healing—one that requires courage, compassion, and support.

So, if you resonate with the experiences of Childhood Emotional Neglect, know that there is hope. Reach out OR read an awesome book on the topic! You deserve to heal, to reclaim your emotional vitality, and to live a life filled with connection, authenticity, and joy.

What to do when you hate the life you love

Feeling conflicted about the life you lead can be an overwhelming experience. You might find yourself in a paradoxical situation where you deeply love certain aspects of your life while simultaneously despising others. It's a complex emotional tug-of-war, but there are steps you can take to navigate through it.

Firstly, acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It's okay to feel this way, and you're not alone in experiencing such conflicting emotions. Next, pinpoint what exactly it is that you love and hate about your life. Understanding these aspects can provide clarity and help you identify areas for improvement.

Once you've identified the sources of your dissatisfaction, take action. Focus on cultivating more of what you love and gradually work towards addressing the aspects you dislike. This might involve making changes in your career, relationships, or lifestyle habits. Remember, change doesn't happen overnight, so be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the process.

Additionally, seek support from trusted friends, family members, a life consultant or therapist. Having someone to talk to can offer valuable insights and emotional support as you navigate this journey of self-discovery and growth.

Ultimately, finding balance and contentment in life is an ongoing journey. By embracing the complexity of your emotions and taking proactive steps towards positive change, you can create a life that aligns more closely with your desires and values.

Dealing with Negative Core Beliefs with EMDR

Navigating and eradicating unhelpful core beliefs can feel like a daunting journey. Those beliefs, like stubborn shadows, linger in the corners of our minds, making themselves at home and whispering tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. Thankfully, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy exists and can offer a beacon of hopeful light in the disturbing darkness.

In our therapy sessions, EMDR becomes a trusted tool in your quest for healing. With focused techniques to provide dual stimulation to your brain (think eye movements or tapping), you confront old, icky beliefs head-on, peeling back the layers of self-doubt and fear.

As sessions progress, you're not just battling these beliefs—you're dismantling them brick by brick. It's a gritty, no-nonsense process of challenging their hold on your psyche, replacing them with resilient truths, and reclaiming your narrative.

Slowly but surely, the weight of these old beliefs begins to lift.

It’s a pretty amazing modality.

With EMDR therapy, you're better equipped to face the shadows of your past and emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient. Yes, healing takes time, but EMDR helps propel that process forward, helping you rewrite your story and embracing a brighter, more empowered future.

Want to know more about EMDR? Let’s talk about it.