The short of it: Rest Is not a reward. It's a requirement,
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What do you believe to be true about REST?
I’ve found that somewhere along the way, most of us (myself, included) got a really unhelpful message about rest. That it has to be earned. That it's what you do after everything on the list is done. That if you're resting while things are undone, you're lazy, selfish, indulgent, or letting people down.
And if you're reading this and nodding, I want you to know: believing those messages is costing you. It’s costing you joy. Peace. Patience. It’s even costing you potential.
For high-functioning women — the ones who show up, handle it all, and make sure everyone around them is okay — rest often feels like the one thing they haven't figured out how to do yet. And the irony is that the more they need it, the harder it can feel to let themselves have it.
And our bodies scream for rest. Your nervous system doesn't care about your to-do list. It doesn't know that you'll rest "after this project" or “when vacation gets here” or “when the kids are older." It just knows whether it feels safe enough to downshift or if it needs to stay on high alert. Fact is, if you've been running on stress hormones for months (or, like for many of my clients, YEARS), your body has essentially forgotten what it feels like to actually rest.
But it needs to rest. Desperately.
Here's where to start:
1) Consider the difference between rest and avoidance/numbing. Scrolling your phone for an hour IS NOT rest — it's actually stimulating to the nervous system. True rest involves some form of disengagement from input: a short walk without headphones, sitting outside, gentle stretching, or even just lying down in a quiet room for 10 minutes. It doesn't have to be long. It just has to be real.
2) Schedule rest before you "need" it. Most of us wait until we're running on empty to rest — which means we're already in debt. Instead, try building one 10-15 minute "nothing" window into your day. Put it in your calendar. Protect it like you'd protect any other appointment.
3) Notice and challenge the story you tell yourself about resting. When you sit down to rest and that internal voice pipes up with a "You should be doing something productive right now,” pause and ask: “Says who?”
You’re an adult — YOU get to decide what productivity means for you.
What if the most productive thing you can do right now is learn how to rest?