Been a little more emotional lately? Found your tolerance for your child’s whiny snack demands has dwindled to zero? Feeling like your partner lacks any redeeming qualities these days? Maybe you’re regularly waking up at 3am with your mind going a million miles an hour and your body radiating heat like a Florida summer?
Sound familiar? And maybe, as a result, you’ve started to wonder if something is seriously wrong with you — because the woman you used to be? She felt way more… steady, happy, and hopeful.
Well, here’s some truth: There probably isn’t anything really “wrong” with you. You are likely just in perimenopause, and your brain and body are going through one of the most significant hormonal shifts of your life.
This is awful, but good news. See, the problem isn't you. The problem is that nobody told you (or the people around you) that this was coming — or what it would actually feel like.
A couple of facts:
Perimenopause can begin as early as your mid-30s and last well into your 50s. During this time, when life is already stretching you to the max (with family, financial, work, and logistical factors), estrogen and progesterone levels start fluctuating wildly (and then begin declining). And here's the part most people don't know: these hormones aren’t just reproductive hormones. They’re deeply connected to mood regulation, sleep quality, memory, and your body and brain’s ability to stay calm under pressure.
So when these hormones fluctuate? Everything feels harder. More intense. More raw.
I want to encourage you to pay attention to your “everything.” What is triggering you to be reactive? What puts you on edge? Where (and with who) do you feel unsteady and raw? Because these fluctuating hormones are really useful at pointing out areas of our lives that needed some work even before perimenopause entered the picture (and that makes good fodder for time well spent with your therapist)!
A couple of OTHER things that can actually help:
1) Track your cycle and your mood together. Even if your cycle have become irregular, patterns still exist. Using a simple app or even a paper calendar to note your emotional and physical state each day can help you start to see the rhythm and your triggers. When you can see "Oh, I always feel like I'm losing it around day 21," it stops feeling like a character flaw and starts feeling like data you can do something with.
2) Speak what's happening out loud. When you're in the middle of a wave of emotion or a hot flash or a night of terrible sleep, try saying to yourself — or to someone you trust — "This is a hormone shift. It’s real, it's temporary, and it doesn’t mean I’m broken." This isn't just helpful self-talk … it's your prefrontal cortex (your thinking brain) helping to regulate your amygdala (your reactive brain). Acknowledging and naming your experience actually calms your nervous system.
Until next time,