The Impact of Subtle vs. Sudden: Childhood Emotional Neglect

Imagine growing up in a household where your physical needs were met, but your emotional world was largely overlooked or minimized …

  • You cried and were told to “knock it off” or “suck it up” or, worse yet, no one asked you what was wrong.

  • You got excited about something and no one noticed, or worse yet, they noticed but never joined in or were curious about your joy.

If this was your world, you likely experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and you’re not alone. In fact, the majority of high functioning, but unhappy people I’ve met through my work as a counselor and life consultant have experienced some level of CEN.

When emotional needs aren't consistently recognized or validated during childhood, the impact is expansive. Childhood Emotional Neglect isn’t about dramatic events or traumatic experiences; rather, it's about what didn't happen. The absence of consistent emotional support and validation in childhood can leave deep scars that reverberate into adulthood. Individuals who have experienced CEN may find themselves struggling to notice, understand, AND express their emotions. They might feel disconnected from themselves and others, leading to challenges in forming and maintaining relationships.

Moreover, CEN can take a toll on self-esteem. When our emotions are ignored or dismissed during childhood, we may internalize the message that our feelings don't matter. This can lead to a persistent sense of inadequacy or unworthiness that follows us into adulthood, impacting various facets of our lives.

But here's the silver lining: awareness is the first step toward healing. By acknowledging the impact of CEN on our lives, we can begin to unravel its effects and reclaim our emotional well-being. It's a journey of self-discovery and healing—one that requires courage, compassion, and support.

So, if you resonate with the experiences of Childhood Emotional Neglect, know that there is hope. Reach out OR read an awesome book on the topic! You deserve to heal, to reclaim your emotional vitality, and to live a life filled with connection, authenticity, and joy.

What to do when you hate the life you love

Feeling conflicted about the life you lead can be an overwhelming experience. You might find yourself in a paradoxical situation where you deeply love certain aspects of your life while simultaneously despising others. It's a complex emotional tug-of-war, but there are steps you can take to navigate through it.

Firstly, acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It's okay to feel this way, and you're not alone in experiencing such conflicting emotions. Next, pinpoint what exactly it is that you love and hate about your life. Understanding these aspects can provide clarity and help you identify areas for improvement.

Once you've identified the sources of your dissatisfaction, take action. Focus on cultivating more of what you love and gradually work towards addressing the aspects you dislike. This might involve making changes in your career, relationships, or lifestyle habits. Remember, change doesn't happen overnight, so be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the process.

Additionally, seek support from trusted friends, family members, a life consultant or therapist. Having someone to talk to can offer valuable insights and emotional support as you navigate this journey of self-discovery and growth.

Ultimately, finding balance and contentment in life is an ongoing journey. By embracing the complexity of your emotions and taking proactive steps towards positive change, you can create a life that aligns more closely with your desires and values.

Dealing with Negative Core Beliefs with EMDR

Navigating and eradicating unhelpful core beliefs can feel like a daunting journey. Those beliefs, like stubborn shadows, linger in the corners of our minds, making themselves at home and whispering tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. Thankfully, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy exists and can offer a beacon of hopeful light in the disturbing darkness.

In our therapy sessions, EMDR becomes a trusted tool in your quest for healing. With focused techniques to provide dual stimulation to your brain (think eye movements or tapping), you confront old, icky beliefs head-on, peeling back the layers of self-doubt and fear.

As sessions progress, you're not just battling these beliefs—you're dismantling them brick by brick. It's a gritty, no-nonsense process of challenging their hold on your psyche, replacing them with resilient truths, and reclaiming your narrative.

Slowly but surely, the weight of these old beliefs begins to lift.

It’s a pretty amazing modality.

With EMDR therapy, you're better equipped to face the shadows of your past and emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient. Yes, healing takes time, but EMDR helps propel that process forward, helping you rewrite your story and embracing a brighter, more empowered future.

Want to know more about EMDR? Let’s talk about it.

Calm: It's Contagious, But Kinda Hard to Catch ...

How do you FEEL when your toddler loses their shit over how you cut their sandwich? Or when your kiddo freaks out about something you’d consider minor (like pausing the television to put on their shoes)? What do you DO?

It’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed when your children are overwhelmed, experiencing BIG feelings and unabashedly showing them off. In fact, many of my clients (and, I confess, myself) find themselves dysregulated right alongside their little ones.

So, they yell. Cry. Lock their jaw and stomp around, silent but seething.

And then, shame and guilt and self-doubt sneak up.

It’s a sucky cycle, right?

Fact is, kids are not yet developmentally capable of moving to reasonable and calm quickly. They can’t help it. And, frankly, neither can we.

It’s true — many ADULTS don’t know how to self-regulate. They never learned. And, that’s understandable — brain science is a relatively new frontier. We’re STILL discovering truths about how our mind and body are connected. We’re not even a couple generations into noticing (and validating) our feelings yet, let alone knowing how to properly teach and take care of ourselves and the small ones that look to us for guidance!

So, what can you do about it NOW? Well, parenting is a wild ride, especially when emotions run high. Learning how to regulate yourself can make all the difference. It’s not a simple fix — though bodywork and breathwork and having a supportive community can go a long way toward creating peace — you gotta make some big moves toward personal growth. 💪 In therapy, we work to discover what overwhelms you, when that started, how you learned to deal with it, and THEN we get to learn new ways of thinking and being, practicing self-compassion and care in ways and levels that will change your life.

All that to say, it may be time to prioritize your well-being and build a calmer, happier home for you and your little ones. Ready? Get in touch. #SelfRegulation #ParentingSupport #YouGotThis ✨

When You Can't Help But Help: The Internal Struggle of an Enneagram 2

Do you often feel a connection to the people around you, driven by an innate desire to nurture and support? Do you find a sense of peace and purpose in helping family, friends … and even strangers?

If that sounds familiar, you might resonate with the traits of an Enneagram 2, often called The Helper! BUT, before you don your superhero cape and proceed to try and save the world one person at a time, let's explore why being an Enneagram 2 comes with its own set of challenges …

First and foremost, let's talk about boundaries. Enneagram 2s have an uncanny ability to sense when someone needs help, and they're quick to offer a helping hand. However, this can sometimes lead to a blurred line between where their responsibilities end and where others' responsibilities begin (think enabling bad behaviors/codependence, etc.). Saying no or stepping back can often feel like an impossible task for an Enneagram 2 when their heart yearns to ease the burdens of those around them.

Then, there's the issue of self-worth. Enneagram 2s often find validation and fulfillment through helping others. While this altruistic nature is admirable, it can also become a double-edged sword. What happens when the helping hand isn't reciprocated? Enneagram 2s may grapple with feelings of resentment, bitterness or inadequacy, struggling to find value in themselves outside of their role as a caretaker.

Self-awareness and self-care is often a struggle for an Enneagram 2. They are so adept at tending to the needs of others that they can easily neglect their own well-being in the process. Taking time for self-reflection and self-nurturing can feel like a foreign concept when their focus is constantly outward-facing.

Additionally, Enneagram 2s often unwittingly train the people around them to expect care without needing to reciprocate. This can be problematic, especially as a frustrated OR growing Enneagram 2 might look to others to aid him/her in striding toward that needed self-care or self-reflection.

Despite the challenges, being an Enneagram 2 isn't without its rewards. Their boundless compassion, empathy, and generosity truly make the world a brighter place. They're the shoulder to cry on, the listening ear, and the unwavering support system for those in need.

As with all personality types and tendencies, a healthy self-examination and understanding can lead to less struggle and more balance. So, to all the Enneagram 2s out there, remember to notice yourselves. Your capacity to love and care for others is a gift, but don't forget to extend that same love and care to yourself. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Need a little help walking that path toward balance and happiness? Get in touchthree months can change your world!