My kids are clamoring for the end of school. But before they can get there, they have testing and presentations to do. And it would be SO easy for me to keep them focused on doing the hard work of today by encouraging them to remember the reward they’ll get at the end: “Summer is coming. Rest is just around the corner!”
But I can’t do that to them. I want them to believe differently about rest than I do.
See, I’ve found that somewhere along the way, most of us (myself, included) got a really unhelpful message about rest. We learned that it has to be earned. That it's what you get AFTER everything on your list is done. That if you're resting while things are undone, then you are lazy, selfish, indulgent, and probably letting someone down.
Can you relate? (I know my Enneagram 3’s can!)
If you're nodding, I need you to hear this: believing those shitty messages is costing you. It’s costing you joy, peace … and potential.
For high-functioning women — the ones who show up, handle it all, and make sure everyone around them is okay (hello Enneagram 2’s) — rest often feels like the one thing they haven't figured out how to do yet. And the irony is that the more you need it, the harder it can feel to let yourself have it.
But your body screams for rest. Your nervous system doesn't care about your to-do list. It doesn't know that you'll rest "after this project" or “when vacation gets here” or “when the kids are older." It just knows whether it feels safe enough to downshift or if it needs to stay on high alert. Fact is, if you've been running on stress hormones for months (or, like for many of my clients, YEARS), your body has essentially forgotten what it feels like to actually rest.
But it needs to rest. Desperately.
Here's where to start:
1) Distinguish between rest and avoidance/numbing. Scrolling on your phone IS NOT rest — it's actually just providing even more stimulation to the nervous system. True rest involves some form of disengagement from input: a walk without headphones, sitting outside, gentle stretching, or even just lying down in a quiet room for 10 minutes. It doesn't have to be long. It just has to be chill.
2) Schedule rest before you "need" it. Most of us wait until we're running on empty to rest — which means we're already in debt. Instead, try building one 10-15 minute "nothing" window into your day. Put it in your calendar. Protect it like you'd protect any other appointment.
3) Notice and challenge the story you tell yourself about resting. When you sit down to rest and that internal voice pipes up with a "You should be doing something productive right now,” pause and ask: “Says who?”
You’re an adult. YOU get to decide what productivity means for you.
Often, rest is the most life-giving thing you can do. A regulated (contented and chilled out) nervous system is what makes everything else easier. Change your perspective: Rest is a requirement, not the reward.
