Life Hacks

What Your Enneagram Type Is Trying to Tell You When You're Exhausted

Burnout doesn't look the same for everyone. Two women can be running on empty and one of them is snapping at her family while the other has gone eerily quiet. One is pushing harder — grinding through the exhaustion because stopping feels more frightening than continuing. The other has mentally checked out while still physically showing up for every obligation.

Same exhaustion. Very different expression. And very different needs underneath.

Learning how to be curious about those needs is vital to meeting those needs. That’s one of the reasons I love the Enneagram as a tool for people who are trying to understand themselves more deeply. It doesn't just tell you what you do — it tells you why, and it names the specific flavor of depletion that each type tends toward.

Here's a quick snapshot of what burnout tends to look like for each Enneagram type AND one thing that actually helps:

Enneagram Type 1 // Exhaustion looks like a lot of inner self-criticism and rigidity. When depleted, Ones often redouble their efforts and become harsh with themselves (and others) for anything less than perfect. What helps: Freedom. Try an intentional "good enough" practice — put something down before it's perfect and let it stay there.

Enneagram Type 2 // Exhaustion looks like over-functioning and resentment. Twos keep giving because stopping feels like they'll lose connection — but the giving becomes hollow. What helps: Asking for help. Specifically. Without immediately softening it or saying "nevermind."

Enneagram Type 3 // Exhaustion looks like switching into overdrive or crashing completely. Threes often don't notice they're depleted until their body forces the stop. What helps: Permission to slow down. Try spending time doing something with no measurable outcome — for the pure experience of it.

Enneagram Type 4 // Exhaustion looks like emotional flooding, withdrawal, or a deep sense of being fundamentally misunderstood. What helps: A gentle, grounding routine. Not anything exciting, but something stabilizing — the same small (maybe even boring) rituals each morning.

Enneagram Type 5 // Exhaustion looks like withdrawal and a depletion of inner resources. Fives retreat into their minds when overwhelmed. What helps: A reminder you don’t have to know it all to be valuable. So, move toward safe, low-demand connection. Aim to be with people who don't need anything from you.

Enneagram Type 6 // Exhaustion looks like anxiety spiraling, worst-case thinking, and decision paralysis. What helps: Use your body to get out of your mind. Take walks, try regular breathwork, or get exercise.

Enneagram Type 7 // Exhaustion looks like frantic busyness or numbing through distraction. Sevens keep moving because slowing down means feeling what's underneath. What helps: Choosing chill. Embrace intentional stillness so you can sit with the uncomfortable feeling long enough to realize it won't destroy you.

Enneagram Type 8 // Exhaustion looks like control and intensity escalating. Eights push harder when depleted. What helps: Vulnerability with a trusted person. Honest conversation without attempts at problem-solving. The goal is to experience being seen and known.

Enneagram Type 9 // Exhaustion looks like checked-out compliance and a loss of any sense of what you actually want. Nines can disappear into others' agendas when depleted. What helps: Being present. Small, concrete acts of self-assertion. What do YOU want for dinner? What do YOU need this weekend? Start small.

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If you're curious about your type and what it means for your specific patterns of stress and rest, get in touch so we can look at doing that work together!

You're Not Falling Apart — You're Probably in Perimenopause

Been a little more emotional lately? Found your tolerance for your child’s whiny snack demands has dwindled to zero? Feeling like your partner lacks any redeeming qualities these days? Maybe you’re regularly waking up at 3am with your mind going a million miles an hour and your body radiating heat like a Florida summer?

Sound familiar? And maybe, as a result, you’ve started to wonder if something is seriously wrong with you — because the woman you used to be? She felt way more… steady, happy, and hopeful.

Well, here’s some truth: There probably isn’t anything really “wrong” with you. You are likely just in perimenopause, and your brain and body are going through one of the most significant hormonal shifts of your life.

This is awful, but good news. See, the problem isn't you. The problem is that nobody told you (or the people around you) that this was coming — or what it would actually feel like.

A couple of facts:

Perimenopause can begin as early as your mid-30s and last well into your 50s. During this time, when life is already stretching you to the max (with family, financial, work, and logistical factors), estrogen and progesterone levels start fluctuating wildly (and then begin declining). And here's the part most people don't know: these hormones aren’t just reproductive hormones. They’re deeply connected to mood regulation, sleep quality, memory, and your body and brain’s ability to stay calm under pressure.

So when these hormones fluctuate? Everything feels harder. More intense. More raw.

I want to encourage you to pay attention to your “everything.” What is triggering you to be reactive? What puts you on edge? Where (and with who) do you feel unsteady and raw? Because these fluctuating hormones are really useful at pointing out areas of our lives that needed some work even before perimenopause entered the picture (and that makes good fodder for time well spent with your therapist)!

A couple of OTHER things that can actually help:

1) Track your cycle and your mood together. Even if your cycle have become irregular, patterns still exist. Using a simple app or even a paper calendar to note your emotional and physical state each day can help you start to see the rhythm and your triggers. When you can see "Oh, I always feel like I'm losing it around day 21," it stops feeling like a character flaw and starts feeling like data you can do something with.

2) Speak what's happening out loud. When you're in the middle of a wave of emotion or a hot flash or a night of terrible sleep, try saying to yourself — or to someone you trust — "This is a hormone shift. It’s real, it's temporary, and it doesn’t mean I’m broken." This isn't just helpful self-talk … it's your prefrontal cortex (your thinking brain) helping to regulate your amygdala (your reactive brain). Acknowledging and naming your experience actually calms your nervous system.

Until next time,

Life Lessons from My Toddler

My girl decided to start taking steps the day before her first birthday. It was just about the coolest thing (right next to her first coo, babble, roll, crawl, laugh, etc. etc. … you get it - #parenthood). Yet, I find I’ve been awestruck more by her continued practice in the couple of weeks since. The resilience. The curiosity. The perseverance. The progress. It’s just all so incredible to watch.

And this morning was eye-opening. She was just toddling back and forth, back and forth … and I was sitting at the kitchen table, throwing back coffee and learning life lessons from my toddler. Watch the video and read on …

Four Tips From My Toddler On Doing New/Hard Things:

  1. Do it in a safe space. Notice the baby gates on either side. She knows I’m close. As a result, she’s able to give it her all. It’s always smart to do hard and risky things in safer places (or, with knowledge that you have safe people to process with or turn toward).

  2. Be okay with falling. I don’t think she enjoyed falling, but she seems to accept it. How we view our inevitable falls, failures or mistakes as we explore new things can make all the difference in our ability to move forward.

  3. Allow yourself to take a break. I love when she just lays down. We have to allow ourselves to rest and reset when we’ve been doing a hard thing - whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.

  4. Reach for support when you need it. There are points when she just reaches for the stability of the couch. The touch is just enough to give her confidence to let go. It is WISE to reach for help when we’re feeling off balance or stuck or lost. 

PONDER: When’s the last time you chose to do a new or hard thing? What helped you succeed?

3 Ways to Fight Post-Vacation Depression

Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life that you don’t need to escape from.
— Seth Godin

While I don't necessarily agree with any theory that assumes vacation is simply an attempt at escaping normal life, I get Godin's point: live a life you love, 24/7, 365 — not just whilst on vacay. And I like that point. I agree with that point. Part of any therapy is pursuing that point. So, props to Seth.

But I'm also pro-vacation. I believe in the rejuvenation that comes from getting away from routine. I'm a major proponent of any opportunity for healthy adventure. And I can't help but think (and know, from personal experience) that travel makes for a transformative journey and a wonderful life story. So, vacation? Yes, please.

However, I know it can be hard to reenter "normal" life after those enjoyable periods of heightened experience, memory making and/or relaxation. In fact, post-depression blues are a pretty universal experience. Attempting to re-acclimate to life at home and work, we often experience a sense of letdown and disenchantment. It's normal for a minor depression to set in for a few days or weeks.

So, what do we do about it? How do you move through the inevitable post-vacation funk? Slowly and purposefully:

Ease back in (or, float on the funk). Give yourself a day or two of grace on the back end of your vacation. Use that time to unpack, grocery shop and do laundry at an unhurried and leisurely pace. Take an hour to look out at the month ahead — what's important, what's not? Put a line through an event or duty or two. Just back from a break and feeling the benefits, you should use that momentum to ban busy from your future schedule by allotting time for self-care and play in your day to day life!

Use the funk to reflect. As you transfer your vacation photos from your camera to your computer, go ahead and reminisce. Sit and soak in the memories and ask yourself some questions: What did your vacation awaken within you? What did your time away teach you about who you are, what you enjoy and what's NOT working in your non-vacation life?

Let the funk propel you toward change. Depression can feel immobilizing, but one of the best ways to fight the funk fast is to mobilize. Do something. Better yet, do something GOOD ... for your body, for someone else, for your future. Exercise. Sign up for that online course you've been thinking about. Cook dinner for a group of friends. Make your ordinary life a little bit more extraordinary by doing one new thing every day.

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Of course, if you're up for a little extra help in creating the kind of day-to-day life you won't feel the need to escape from, I'm here to listen ... and to help you write a better life story. GET IN TOUCH and we'll get started

Stop Wishing and Start Doing

I read once that it takes just as much energy to wish or dream as it takes to plan. Do you think that’s true?

If you wish for a better marriage or dream about a new career, what stops you from planning for it?

If you dream about traveling or wish for happiness, why would you avoid planning to make it a reality?

Something holds you back. That something needs conquering.

A year from now you’ll wish you’d started today.
— Karen Lamb

I’d like to help you grab hold of what you’ve been wishing for and dreaming about. So, take a step toward realizing a worthy goal in 2016 — MAKE AN APPOINTMENT and we’ll make a plan together.

In the meantime, download something like the Everest app and start goal setting and step strategizing. "Everyone's got their Everest. Climb yours."